Come, Come All Ye Sinners

I saw this floating around social media last night and hard to share. I scored a healthy 22. My favorite is definitely, “sin-friendly heresy teacher.” Because that’s what we do here, right? That’s what SBB is all about. My entire career is based upon it.

I’ve seen things like this before, as we all have. What struck me this time though was that people of this ilk always push hell as a threat. I would honestly like to ask one of them: Do they not understand that the threat of hell and damnation doesn’t mean anything to a person who doesn’t believe in it and/or has a different idea about the nature of heaven and hell than they do? Surely that must have occurred to somebody at some point.

It would be akin to me telling them that if they didn’t practice Wicca, the Threefold Law would bite them in their asses. That would sound just as crazy hoo-hoo to them as their concept of hell sounds to others.

From a sheer marketing standpoint, they need to tout a consequence about which non-believers would actually be concerned, like poverty. Maybe that’s where that schmaltzy “prosperity gospel” comes from. “Worship Jesus and you get a pair of Uggs, and you get a pair of Uggs, and you get a pair of Uggs…” I bet Dr. Teeth (Joel Osteen) and his kind have brought far more people into the fold that way, albeit at a depth of about a quarter inch.

How many sins did you get?


About M. Ashley

Essayist and poet, my work has been rejected by some of the finest journals in America. Fortunately, it also gets accepted from time to time and has appeared in equally fine journals such as Word Riot, Inlandia, Brew City Magazine, and SageWoman among others.. In 2002, I was awarded the Academy of American Poets Prize for Vanderbilt University. For no good reason, I possess an unnecessarily dark humor which is why being third generation California Inland Empirian delights me so. My gods are weird. I once received $350 for writing a smartassed essay on “why the wise use of water is important in my daily life”. I am undoubtedly the Greek god Hermes’ special snowflake. I’m pretty sure I got into college via a series of fortuitous clerical errors. When I had to grow up and get a real job, I decided against it and stayed a writer. I have worked many odd—and I mean odd—jobs to support my habit: Commercial writer for country music hopefuls, resume massager, WalMart fitting room attendant and switchboard operator, telephone psychic.
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5 Responses to Come, Come All Ye Sinners

  1. I’m about to laugh while thinking “Damn, looks like only about five people are getting into Heaven.” I am at least 5 of those things. I have been bitter, but I do not consider myself a bitter person.

    Liked by 1 person

    • M. Ashley says:

      Well, and you have to wonder what their definitions are on a lot of those things. Does “bitter person” include people who have ever been bitter, or just people who are bitter right now? Do you have to be a headbanger to be a “rock ‘n roller”? What, in their eyes, constitutes a whore? You’re right. I think maybe only about 5 people would qualify. Jesus is going to get awful lonely up there.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I also wondered what constitutes a whore. If you have had premarital sex, does that make you a whore?

        Liked by 1 person

      • M. Ashley says:

        They really need an 800 number questions hotline on that board.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Maybe 15ish. I used to party and dirty dance all the time when I was in my 20’s. Now that I’m in my mid thirties and the mother of 2, not so much. So I don’t know if I should count that. I do still dirty dance for my husband from time to time. Does dirty dancing still count if it’s done in the confines of marriage? I was married by a pagan priest. Would the sign maker recognize my marriage as valid. Probably not, so would that make me a whore in the sign maker’s eyes? So many questions…

        Liked by 2 people

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