Hermes of the Amazon

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Hermes got in early on Amazon and, I hear, couldn’t be happier about the drones. They might allow him to take a day off once in a while, what with being able to fork god-messages onto their grippy claws ten at a time. Who cares if they don’t quite make it to the porch? Gods reward those who are willing to do the legwork, right? Gods are also willing to help people who are willing to search through their bushes, in their flowerpots, and under the patio table to receive the answers to their prayers.

When he has the time, his sneaker collection could use a good going over, he thinks. He imagines he’ll have garden trash bags full for anyone but the Salvation Army. He could watch all-world sports on ten different TVs at once while giving his feet a paraffin treatment. And maybe, once he peeled the wax and calluses off and after he took his As-Seen-On-TV Ronco Miracle Curlers™ out, he could sext Aphrodite, persuade her to come over, and order in pizza and ambrosia cannoli to share while the Romanians gymnasticize on all ten TVs at once.

-M.

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About M. Ashley

Essayist and poet, my work has been rejected by some of the finest journals in America. Fortunately, it also gets accepted from time to time and has appeared in equally fine journals such as Word Riot, Inlandia, Brew City Magazine, and SageWoman among others.. In 2002, I was awarded the Academy of American Poets Prize for Vanderbilt University. For no good reason, I possess an unnecessarily dark humor which is why being third generation California Inland Empirian delights me so. My gods are weird. I once received $350 for writing a smartassed essay on “why the wise use of water is important in my daily life”. I am undoubtedly the Greek god Hermes’ special snowflake. I’m pretty sure I got into college via a series of fortuitous clerical errors. When I had to grow up and get a real job, I decided against it and stayed a writer. I have worked many odd—and I mean odd—jobs to support my habit: Commercial writer for country music hopefuls, resume massager, WalMart fitting room attendant and switchboard operator, telephone psychic.
This entry was posted in Gods, Hellenic Gods, Hellenic Polytheism, Humor and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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